so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
