Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
