who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She's the barista slut.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
