OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
