Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
