I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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