I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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