please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
We named our party play list daddy issues
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
