we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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