Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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