You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
