dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
