dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
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