hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i believe in u and ur pee
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
