it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
