My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
