And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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