dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
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