Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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