6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
