I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I lost the right to judge tonight
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
