My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
