its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
