I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
