Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
