Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm getting married
To pizza
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
