I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
