Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
