I wish i was in the wii world.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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