You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
