Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
