Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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