i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
