i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
