I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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