I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
