i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
