It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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