You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
