I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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