We won't sleep together?
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
