I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
