people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
