My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
