I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
50% drunk capacity currently
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Randomize
