The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
