Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
