Someone shit on the floor
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
