Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
