I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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