Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
