Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He did a backflip because drugs
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
