Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
