I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
