I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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