Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
